As the holidaze approach, so do the inevitable sequels and pre-ordained blockbusters. And you know what that means: Licensed Games That Suck™! Too many games play strictly by the rules of the movies they are based on, meaning once you've seen one, you've seen the other. One just happens to have unlockable achievements (at least on the PS3 and Xbox 360).
Developers, I know you will never stop licensing existing properties, just like Hollywood will never stop offering them up. (I only wish the British would cough up some licenses... Shawn of the Dead: The Videogame, anyone?) So in the interest of keeping things interesting for at least me, please consider looking a little farther than the IMAX schedule for your ideas.
Heck, I'll even throw a few out there just to get you started. No need to thank me, just license the good stuff. I'll bet you can pick up at least two or three of these for the cost of one Jim Carrey's A Christmas Carol fiasco. (You know it's coming...) And you know what? You might even find that you enjoy working with the material.
Make my game, please. I promise to buy it at full price and everything. Just please, don't let them suck. And the nominees for latest licenses that should (but probably won't) be exploited are:
Glee (US television - FOX)
Let's start things off with a rhythm party game we can all appreciate: Glee. Yes, the music is all over the place, from the rapping teacher ("Gold Digger," "The Thong Song") to the Broadway goddess guest shot ("Alone," "Last Name") to the omnipresent Journey ("Don't Stop Believin'"). You gotta admit, that's still more cohesive than any Lips list so far... and the arrangements are tailor made for groups of inebriated people who think they can sing.
The show offers every personality a girl/boy could want. Let us choose a character that fits us (there could even be a personality quiz to help us pick!), add some unlockable video clips made especially for the game and offer up some good old fashioned DLC in the form of new outfits - and songs, naturally. And do I smell Slushie mini-game for the... um, enthusiasts out there who have those clips on endless repeat? Throw in a cursory Career mode that takes the players from auditions to rehearsals all the way to Sectionals and Nationals, and you have yourself a game.
Oh, and if you happen to know a company that makes, say, musical instrument peripherals... well, let's just say there are characters who play drums and guitar in the show.
Fray: Future Slayer (Trade Paperback Comic - Dark Horse Comics)
Being a game developer, you are, of course, completely on top of any and all comic franchises - right? RIGHT? Okay, to be fair, this Joss Whedon-penned 8-issue series is on the older side, running from 2001-2003. (Yes, you read correctly. There was what might charitably be called a "lull.") I'd suggest heading straight to your nearest comic book store right now and picking it up. Oh, and while you're over there, check out the Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Time of Your Life trade paperback. Fray makes a pretty damn important cross-over. Go ahead, I'll wait.
All done? Good. Because I need you to convert this series into an action/adventure game for me. The stories are there - and hell, maybe you can bring in the Time of Your Life part while you're at it - and the world needs more kick-ass heroines. Oh, she likes to dress kinda trashy, too. But kick ass, riot-grrl trashy, not like, Barbie in a French Maid's outfit trashy. (Boys do like badass chicks, don't they?)
Trust me. There's stuff to work with here. And with Dollhouse heading down its current trajectory... well, I won't go there. But let's just say Whedon might be available to take on another project in the near future. Speaking of which...
Developers, I know you will never stop licensing existing properties, just like Hollywood will never stop offering them up. (I only wish the British would cough up some licenses... Shawn of the Dead: The Videogame, anyone?) So in the interest of keeping things interesting for at least me, please consider looking a little farther than the IMAX schedule for your ideas.
Heck, I'll even throw a few out there just to get you started. No need to thank me, just license the good stuff. I'll bet you can pick up at least two or three of these for the cost of one Jim Carrey's A Christmas Carol fiasco. (You know it's coming...) And you know what? You might even find that you enjoy working with the material.
Make my game, please. I promise to buy it at full price and everything. Just please, don't let them suck. And the nominees for latest licenses that should (but probably won't) be exploited are:
Glee (US television - FOX)
Let's start things off with a rhythm party game we can all appreciate: Glee. Yes, the music is all over the place, from the rapping teacher ("Gold Digger," "The Thong Song") to the Broadway goddess guest shot ("Alone," "Last Name") to the omnipresent Journey ("Don't Stop Believin'"). You gotta admit, that's still more cohesive than any Lips list so far... and the arrangements are tailor made for groups of inebriated people who think they can sing.
The show offers every personality a girl/boy could want. Let us choose a character that fits us (there could even be a personality quiz to help us pick!), add some unlockable video clips made especially for the game and offer up some good old fashioned DLC in the form of new outfits - and songs, naturally. And do I smell Slushie mini-game for the... um, enthusiasts out there who have those clips on endless repeat? Throw in a cursory Career mode that takes the players from auditions to rehearsals all the way to Sectionals and Nationals, and you have yourself a game.
Oh, and if you happen to know a company that makes, say, musical instrument peripherals... well, let's just say there are characters who play drums and guitar in the show.
Fray: Future Slayer (Trade Paperback Comic - Dark Horse Comics)
Being a game developer, you are, of course, completely on top of any and all comic franchises - right? RIGHT? Okay, to be fair, this Joss Whedon-penned 8-issue series is on the older side, running from 2001-2003. (Yes, you read correctly. There was what might charitably be called a "lull.") I'd suggest heading straight to your nearest comic book store right now and picking it up. Oh, and while you're over there, check out the Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Time of Your Life trade paperback. Fray makes a pretty damn important cross-over. Go ahead, I'll wait.
All done? Good. Because I need you to convert this series into an action/adventure game for me. The stories are there - and hell, maybe you can bring in the Time of Your Life part while you're at it - and the world needs more kick-ass heroines. Oh, she likes to dress kinda trashy, too. But kick ass, riot-grrl trashy, not like, Barbie in a French Maid's outfit trashy. (Boys do like badass chicks, don't they?)
Trust me. There's stuff to work with here. And with Dollhouse heading down its current trajectory... well, I won't go there. But let's just say Whedon might be available to take on another project in the near future. Speaking of which...
Dollhouse (US television - FOX)
While you're attempting to get past Mutant Enemy's platoon of vampire personal assistants (that's a Harmony joke, try to keep up people), put Dollhouse on Hulu. You might skip to Season 1 Episode 6, if you're pressed for time, but do try to watch them all. This is the RPG I want to play, and with the magic chair, I should be able to do any damn job I please. And if the role is already taken, well... let me knock off the person doing it, and then have their personality implanted in my character. (Topher, watch your back...)
Add in the various side-missions (any of the doll assignments), a sandbox element (painting! taking a shower! napping in a floor coffin!) and a main mission that culminates in the aftermath of "Epitaph One" and we're golden. And by the way, "Epitaph One" takes place at the end of the series, even though it was developed in Season 1. So anything that happens between now and when Fox sends the show to a pretty glass coffin in the floor is fair game. Hell, you could even make up some new missions.
I don't care what you do, as long as you do it. As Gamewatcher can attest, I like to play with Dolls.
Mercy Sparx (Comic Series - Devil's Due Publishing)
Now here is one license that I am fully confident no one has picked up, because well... a lot of red state folks would stroke out if they knew what was going on in this comic. See, there's this hot demon chick (Mercy) who is sent to Earth to hunt down renegade Angels on behalf of Heaven. That's right, Heaven has hired Hell to help out. There's even a special liaison (don't say his name - the world will end) who would prove quite cinematic.
Other licensing opps: The angels can often be seen near artists, so naturally they hang out in bars, DJ at clubs, and generally go to the kind of places you would go if you were cool enough to get in. Oh, and the Angels are no angels. They fight hard and they fight dirty. Cat fight dirty. I'm just sayin'.
Mercy is accompanied by a human who creates all sorts of seriously bad ass (and ingenious) weapons for her, including the loudest heavy metal delivery system ever created. (Angels hate Black Sabbath. Go figure.) There's more, but really, isn't that all you need to know? Make a shooter, and have Mercy periodically go back to the apartment to pick up whatever bizarre new weapon her minion has concocted. (Unlock weapons in a manner that makes sense within the story and world - it can be done!)
Oh, did I mention that Mercy violently rips off each Angel's Halo after she takes them down? It's her own little souvenir, which she drops into a box after each - I dunno whatcha call it. Arrest? Defeat? Oh, let's just say it: Beat down. Anyway, Mercy drops them in the box, which gives you an easy achievement (Hell on Earth - collect 500 Halos). This thing practically writes itself!
There's also a perfect big boss/foil, but you have to read the series to find out who it is. You'll never guess. And no, it's not a member of the Holy Trinity - think lower in Heaven's management chain.
Zombieland (Movie - Sony Pictures)
Last on my list but first in my heart, Zombies! Sure, it's been done (I swear at times I felt like I was watching a Dead Rising sequel), but this is one buddy-zombie flick I would love to play. And as I don't want to spoil this too much for our busy readers (who no doubt have it in the Netflix queue), I will leave you with the following, hopefully non-spoilerish requests:
- Make it an open world. Think about all the roadside attractions one might find on the way to Zombieland... not to mention cities. Open up the world! As Fallout 3 showed, you can basically have the same thing over and over, design wise, and still have a compelling game.
- Keep the creative splatter - and build on it. Please, don't wimp out for a T rating. This needs to be a good old fashioned M for Mature. Hell, I would say AO (adults only) but people will think it's a porno game.
- Keep the main characters. Please let me play Woody Harrelson. Please? Oh, and the guest star - total unlockable! We'd be totally fighting over him for multiplayer mode. Although you'll probably never get that person to give up a likeness, so find someone else who would be equally interesting/exploitable. We'll understand.
- No. Escort. Missions. EVER. 'Nuff said.
- Don't force me to stay with my pals. Seriously, if I want to let my little AI buddy become a Zombie Happy Meal, lemme do it. It's my funeral, right? Hell, let me get turned and go screw with my former allies... that might be fun.
