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This whole "Kill All of The Haitians" thing in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City is really idiotic. I mean, do these "Haitian activists" really believe Take 2 Interactive and Rockstar Games are inciting people to genocide? Do they not realize that while they may have won a very small victory, they've actually been gristle for the wheels of commerce?

It all comes down to an unimaginative word choice. Someone at Rockstar North decided to name a gang of cold-blooded Haitian killers "The Haitians." The gamer's character, a mobbed up scumbag voiced by Goodfellas star Ray Liotta himself, has to take them out before they get him. So the natural name for this mission is, in fact, Kill All of The Haitians. Not all Haitians, mind you, just a small gang of them in a fictional setting that's eerily reminiscent of '80s Miami in the Al Pacino Scarface remake.

First of all, these games always resort to stereotypes and shorthand. Vice City is largely derived from Scarface, so much so that Brian De Palma and Oliver Stone ought to be getting a cut of the proceeds.

There really isn't much room for depth in a mindless shoot-'em-up (notable exception: Half-Life), which is why the pedestrians walking the street don't have anything really interesting to say. They're just there to end up under the tires of your most-recently jacked vehicle during a particularly adrenaline-laced chase from the cops or a rival gang. It's not like they have family and friends, dreams and aspirations. They're not walking to the grocery store to get some food for their cats. They're delivering silly dialogue that's not really missed when it disappears (which it actually does for some players of the Xbox version).

Second, The Haitians is just the name of a FICTIONAL GANG. If the designer had called the gang the Pink Flamingos or the Pelican Bastards, environmentalists would no doubt be picketing Vice City right now.

Third, much like South Park, the GTA games are designed to offend everybody. They offend me on a regular basis. But they're so much fun (and so obviously fictional), I shrug it off and keep playing.

Finally, all of this picketing just helps the people you're trying to hurt. If you really want to hurt the makers of videogames you don't like, you should ignore them. They thrive on this type of publicity. And look at the timing: Vice City's been out for more than a year on the PS2 and nearly a year on the PC and this protest thing takes off right between Thanksgiving and Christmas -- the busiest buying season for videogames.

Very suspicious. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if the leader of these "Haitian activists" is getting a payoff from the folks at Take 2 and Rockstar. Or at least a really nice plasma TV for the holidays.

And if not, well, call 'em up. I bet they'd be willing to talk.

-=Gamewatcher